The Wrong Definition of Being a Strong Woman


Lately I’m hearing the words “Strong Woman” and heard stories concerning Black Women with their behavior and attitude of having a false sense of being independent of living without the love and affection of a man. In reality. they’re aching for a healthy relationship a true honest connection, a fulfilled purpose in their lives besides having a career, getting a degree or putting food on their table for their little kids; that when they can’t have what other women specially Caucasian women, they grow envied of them constantly.

Here’s a short examples, a friend of mine encountered two different situations concerning the “Strong Women” and how these women find themselves in a bad definition of these two words. The first one at a bar, this woman bought him a drink and when she introduced herself, her ego went all over the place, more than that, she was broadcasting her sexual experiences, like how her techniques of pleasing a man and promised him to give him the ultimate experience like a street prostitute. Her words were so vulgar and somewhat offensive that he immediately turn her down. Quickly, her attitude changed from a bee trapped in honey to a monster trying to destroy everything in her path by simply acting like a girl having a temper tantrum because she didn’t get the toy she wanted. She couldn’t wait to belittle, bash, bully and roast my friend to the point that he couldn’t hold back, when she was ridiculing him because of his height (5″2′) and his manhood. He just roast her from her attitude, her hair, her privates that her so-called friends were laughing by every punchline he carried she just literally went up with tears in her eyes. It was embarrassing that just because a guy reject you because you’re overly sexualized, doesn’t mean that you’re very Strong. It makes you think you’re weak.

Another incident the following week when he met by accident a woman that was too open in expressing her sexuality along with her heartaches to strangers. Her mentality was “If I can’t find a man who could handle me as a strong woman (there it goes again with that term), fuck it.” All while feeling sorry for herself because of her failed so-called relationships or sexual adventures she found. The silly part of it is that the bartender told my friend that she’s a regular in the bar and she does that all the time when she meets people by chance.

It is wrong to think that this ideology of the strong woman revolve around their genitals or their sexual prowess than having coping mechanisms to mend their brokenness, fixing their loss of self-worth and self-esteem and using their quick thinking to handle critical situations gracefully without drama or damage. And many women failed a lot because of the oversexualization of themselves, that the only thing of value is just their vagina, not their personalities, their beliefs, their values as a human being. When you show everything not leaving at the imagination to the males, is definitely not a sign of strength, is more of a sign of weakness and a sign that you’re easy to fuck and dump.

For myself, to be a strong woman it’s not only enduring plenty of heartaches, breakups, setbacks and every thing that hit us as our daily bread. It’s about how I solve these dilemmas, these obstacles and grow with the understanding, with the knowledge to rediscover more about myself and more importantly to heal myself. Being a strong woman, carries an invisible badge of honor when they play their cards gracefully and intelligently. I told my friend that a strong woman, doesn’t have to expose her sexuality in the open for everybody to see like a desperate attempt to get attention. A Strong Woman uses her intuition, quick thinking and her maturity to overcome obstacles.

It’s sad that many Black women can’t adopt this mentality, and that’s why they cannot past behind their past to focus on their future. I would tell those so-called “strong women” if you’re so strong why you cannot stop broadcasting your dirty laundry in public? Stop being a kid with a temper and grow up! Having Sex with plenty of guys isn’t the definition of being a “strong woman.” So, please, grow the hell up!

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