One In A Million

What would be the odds if I was leaving the pub after a great evening by just chilling and singing on Karaoke? I would be back home, going back to sleep and waking up dealing with the single dilemma of trying to know myself, scrambling my inner emotional hoarding, searching my needs and signaling my wants. Having my priorities straight when it was twisted. But who am I fooling? Still my sadness prevails, my insecurities, my fears, my loneliness still is gonna bother me ’til the end of time. I could be placed in a waiting list that didn’t know when would be the time that I could have someone or still have to wait there like I’m in purgatory for the rest of my life, missing out of a lot of stuff people take for granted.

But reality hit me in the head when you stopped me at the right moment when I was close to reach the door of the establishment. Without the boring pick-up lines that I could go searching for a small bottle of mace inside my bag, you complemented me about my singing, which honestly can say that I’m not good of a singer but I gave my thanks. The moment you looked at me as I was dealing with my shyness really make me comfortable, no pressure and no acting or pretending to be someone I’m not. It felt like the closed road finally opens and I was able to cruise around with no fear. It was like all of the sudden when I wasn’t looking, it just went into place with no violence, nicely placed for me to decide whether to ignore or investigate further.

From a small conversation to what it felt like we were talking for ever. I enjoyed his company for once and he was respectful, bluntly honest and funny. It wasn’t like other men I dated which they just look the other way, or trying to make an effort to get to know me, but I didn’t enjoy their intentions or their company. He just went there and presented himself and is a very mannered, mature and also bright man. After we exchanged phone numbers, I was about to go when he decided to accompany me to my car at the parking lot. And decided to meet on Saturday for a date. We hugged and leave our parting ways. It was such an spectacular night, having drinks for free paid from a couple, and this man who was looking at me while I was minding my own business and trying to have a great night.

On a Friday night after a hard evening of work I invited my friend *Tracy to a bar to get a little bit of unwinding. It was DJ night and sadly, the crowd there was more of a having a conversation, drinking beer and playing pool than dancing. It came out of the blue texting *Joe to see if he can come in and have a chit chat or something. He immediately, replied and agreed to see me there. In 10 minutes he arrived with a grey Adidas shirt and jeans and I was super shy, meanwhile Tracy was enjoying her third Long Island Tea. And his sense of humor was outstanding. He was very nice during the whole night that I was trying not to get my social anxiety back into the scene. Seeing him felt like I was meeting a celebrity, the kind that you wish you don’t do something embarrassing or stupid because you will regret for the rest of your life. At the small dancefloor we made fun of an old white lady grinding towards a young black dude, making all those desperate sexual innuendo dances trying to see if she could get laid that night. And two chicks who were picking on Tracy when she was dancing for at least having a threesome with her. Tracy, reluctantly said “Hell Naw” to the whole thing. It was 6 glasses of Long Island she took and her eyes were started to get bigger. She danced with Joe and Joe later danced with me, but I was pretty shy. When I dance, I rather use glow sticks. Or I rather be in a mosh pit. But dancing hip hop was a new ballgame to me. At least Tracy danced like she didn’t care and having fun to the point she was dancing to the DJ, and one time a young guy was like being a deer in headlights when he just went slowly walking away from the whole dancing from Tracy.

A lady showed up with a bouquet of Flowers. And he decided to go to the mens, while I was asking Tracy her opinion of him. With her eyes bigger than the usual tired eyes she had, she said he was cool and a nice guy. After a few minutes, he came back with a rose, and handed it to me. It was a nice gesture from him and I appreciated, since I told him I never have romance in my life, since mostly it’s just Sci-Fi and Horror to me that relationships are so frightening with the lack of it. He actually made me feel better and always honest and always making his action speak than talking.

We kept talking about normal stuff, about his upbringing, his kids, his part of his past, and I was telling him about mine. It was like we were in a spell we couldn’t get out. And his flirting was making me anxious, in a positive sense. He have that positive vibe, that even thought he endured a lot, he didn’t have time to be bitter. Instead, he moved on. My case was different however, dealing with the losses and trying to pick myself up when I honestly can’t even have the energy to pick myself. Thinking how I’m going to continue dealing with my sadness and loneliness. During the conversation, he was looking at me from the moment I step in the pub that night and wondering if I was waiting for company or something, and decided to “pounce” his way to stop me from getting out of the place by myself. And it was a great thing.

It was almost 2am and I was supposed to wake up at 5am to be heading to work. So the three of us got out of the place and the DJ was having a technical difficulties when the song Sabotage came in and quickly it just stopped. The crowd went ballistic over it. And people closest to the DJ went to his aid to try to fix that snafu. At the parking lot, we bid farewell, but I took the first move in telling him very flirty after he gave me a rose, I was waiting for just a kiss. Sorry, to be that fast, but sometimes when you feel it’s freaking right, it’s freaking right! There’s no explanations around it. No doubts, no problems or issues, and no even barriers. When we kissed, suddenly it felt like a small bell ringing deep inside my stomach. It wasn’t butterflies, it was honestly, bells! And as long as I sit back in the car, I couldn’t shake that feeling, like I was suddenly glued to his lips and wanted more. So I quickly got out of the car and give him a quick kiss back and it was becoming addictive and I wasn’t even drunk that night!

I dropped her off at her house afterwards and quickly got home around 3am. But the feeling of this night with him it was like I finally found my soulmate, since we have somethings in common plus his attitude was very pleasant to be with. I honestly can’t wait for date night. Never thought one moment could be the beginning of a dream that I never thought it was turning to be true. I hope it stays that positive vibe.

*Names have been changed.