Not To Tread it Lightliy

Hate Rejection with a Passion! One of the hurdles of becoming recently single is the fear of rejection when you try to catch someone or any one for that matter. I faced rejection from childhood, where I have been cast aside, ignored and mostly bullied by the opposite sex. Now to the “wonderful” world of adulthood, rejection is very complex with added subletting. You can get rejected out of getting the job you want, or the car you dream of or just a credit card under your name which brings the pain, the sorrow and sometimes anger added into the mix. But whats hurt most is the ability of finding a mate to compliment our lonely existence to later fail during the process and it turns into the difference between standing tall with out head up high, or  moping around like a teenage emo kid listening to The Cure.

Offering advice when I too experienced this annoying feeling a lot, means I have to gather my old wounds and scars and rip it open reminding myself the why and the pity that comes from it. Right now, feeling rejected is real, which you have to pick up the broken pieces and move on like a homeless guy being kicked out of his favorite spot. But sometimes it becomes hard and difficult to come up to, after another rejection after another it’s becomes too much to handle and you question yourself if you’re valuable to the opposite sex or just damaged goods. Taking to friends the same story over and over it becomes tiring for them, so I rather keep my emotions and sadness to myself to the point of exploding at a church nearby. Even learning to take care of myself, through exercise, getting my hobbies in order like Photography and writing and traveling to even 55 miles away just to have my brain clear of mental debris it becomes destroyed it a matter of seconds when rejection strikes. It’s not like a miraculous pill that makes the pain goes away, it still there no matter how occupied you’ll be.

A few days ago it wasn’t the exception when I saw a guy this morning at the gym. I was interested in this person since a week ago and wanted to at least break the ice and see if he can start a conversation. As soon as he finished his routine and mine, he walked towards a set of weights and I took advantage of the situation and said just Good Morning. But I got slapped when he politely said “Excuse me” like all he wanted was going to the weights, not even say something politely as “How you’re doing” and he just walked away to continue to his routines. It felt like my emotional jaw drooped severally and question myself after that incident. Am I enough? Am I ugly? (because honestly I am), Am I desirable? Am I perfect to the opposite sex, or just damaged goods? It felt like I’m invisible, dead, ignored and it happens not only in person but also on the notorious online dating, where there’s thousands of profiles and not even one wanted to at least have a conversation with me personally.

Rejection affects women like the beginning of a mosquito bite to the point that it itches like crazy to the point of having a scab. Sadly, advice like “forget about it” with the Brooklyn accent cannot convince even the naive Taylor Swift with all those breakup songs. It’s very deep and very complicated to just let it go. Th choices between standing up after a punch to the face and continue fighting or just throw the towel and run, depends on the person and their experience. If you want to keep going, you have to endure more rejection, maybe someone that rejection can change into a phone number, followed by a date.