Choose or Perish

I never thought I would never ended in this state. When you’re woman, the goal, based on the traditional societal standards was actually, learning the basics, like cooking, cleaning, gardening, sewing, taking care of your small siblings. You name it! (If there’s more, let me know) To then actually, getting into the process of courtship to led into marriage. Plain and simple.

Now a days, after the influx of the feminism movement, women complicate things to the point of being screwed themselves in the process. And that includes single women. Right now, I’m single and at first it was a kind of the idea of so going to the ice cream shop and choose all the flavors available in the counter, but the reality of it is that the flavors aren’t exactly yummy and aren’t exactly impressive either. Online dating changed the perspective of finding “Mr. Right” and instead it feels like going to the adoption service for dogs who have been surrendered, abandoned and lost and see all these pictures of these poor creatures, sad, depressed and laid down and you have the choice of choosing the sad one because you need the company or keep living with your situation for a while (a long while) until you see the one who could give you butterflies in your stomach.

But the longer you wait, the older you get and the decisions of choosing a partner to spend the rest of your life is a uphill battle to say at least. And even watching countless dating video tutorials, or reading plenty of books can’t prepare me to the real reality that is is being in the 40’s, single and starting over. It seems too cruel to say at least. It seems too harsh when after a decade in a relationship (which turned out bad), I suddenly feel like those dogs on the adoption service. Afraid, lost, sad and abandoned. Wanting to see if there’s anyone who would like me before the time is up and sent me to put down.

Still, after the desperation and anxiety of at least having at least a date in the weekends, it turned out to be a struggle at the end of the afternoon, by guys, that I communicate on some dating sites, not asking me to hang out. And I ended going to the bar myself instead or in other cases staying at home playing online games. It is confusing, it is bothersome that I started leaving the dating scene for a while and dedicating at little bit of myself instead.  Maybe perhaps, when at least I expect it… maybe a Viking would come along. But yeah, it is a struggle in the meantime.