Starting Over Blows


Ok think about it for a second. You leave your present situation because it’s not healthy for you. You leave your friends, your job, your environment that you know so well for the past decade and you embark on a trip to go from point a to point b. As soon, as you landed in there, you have your plans settled out in terms of finding a job, and after the job you’re looking for, the next step would be going back to college to pursue a career. But… and there’s always that word.

Still, after a few interviews there’s no calls to start working right away, money is getting low, you still don’t have friends, dating is out of the question because there’s still none, and yes… it’s a whole different ballgame. So, what do I have to win in all this?

Starting over, with limited resources actually isn’t a walk in the park. Experiencing first hand could be choosing between fighting like a Viking or crying your eye balls out in a fetal position. Honestly, I did both at the same time and it’s not funny. Being single without the proper tools to at least counterattack this, is a war that I get constantly speared, slashed and still kept on standing… but bruised, battered like putting some cucumber at a food processor. It turns messy.

Loneliness is annoying. When you need some company and there’s none, you just have a few ideas… or either use your game console, or start consoling yourself somehow. The other alternative is crying to the point you’re turning into Harley Quinn without the sexy attire. And trust me, it isn’t funny.

The other choice? Would be going to church and bitch and complain and try to see God and try to throw a punch. Honestly, many people would after all the heartaches they went through in the life. Did you think people are going to just say, “Oh, it’s just his will, I’m in this position, crap?” Reality is, and even to myself, sometimes we need to throw the punch from time to time to at least feel our frustration, our hatred of the situation we have been put on, and our relief that at least we put the blame on the one that actually didn’t do nothing in the first place to begin with even thought sometimes is our fault (the majority of the 15% of it). Trust me… Every time I went to the gym and there’s a boxing sandbag available, I just put some gloves and start punching until my hands get scratched (because I didn’t have boxing tape for it). Still, just 5 minutes of boxing isn’t enough in my case.

The reality of it, I’m by myself. Adulting is bad, singlehood is much worse and if you have kids is ten times the weight. Without support, it feels like you’re drowning and there’s no lifeguard who could rescue from the turbulent waters. Mine as well, be sunk or learn how to swim in time record. But if you survive these violent waters, and reach the shore, at least you got safe. Battered, tired, trying to catch your breath, safe. But then, the tricky part comes into play. What happens next? If there’s an oasis, that would be great! But still after a battle like this you don’t see any oasis where you can rest and at least enjoy life at it fullest.

And I’m not trying to be the pessimist person of the year,  but my experiences in life is nothing but one more blah after the next. So, I kept standing even if there’s raining frogs, throwing rocks or daggers. But, sometimes I think, enough is enough. After I escaped, I’m still in the desert. I wonder where I could get out of it?

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