Dating isn’t like it was almost 20, 30 or even 40 years ago when Men would chase, woo, and even impress the one they’re willing to spend their lives with. But now it’s so complicated that men are followed by looks rather than personality, charisma and feelings. Mostly, they make the foolish mistake of not having a commitment and instead they just want one night stands or the most common “Ghosting” which is you got a date for one or two days and later he just vanish.
For the Black woman, no matter their nationality, it’s mostly ridden with rejections, false expectations and mostly offensive situations that disappoint and discourage them to the point of being settled for less. Here’s a few of the things you, my friend, should never ever ask to a Black Woman.
Are You Clean?
When you reply on Craigslist, Tinder, POF, and even paid ones like Match.com, EHarmony (EHarmoney) among others, once you post your profile online, you will encounter men (specially Whites) who instead of telling a quick “hello” or telling their short bio, they are quick to the chase into asking: “Are you Clean?”
For starters, I have been asked not only once or twice and it seems repetitive and tiring that guys instead of respecting the women they want to spend their time with or not, they want to ask if they have any transmitted sexual disease. Just because I’m dark skinned.
Here’s what’s the Alternative:
When a man or woman ask this question, ask the same question. “Are you also Clean?” See their reactions. Then, as soon as they send their answers tell them how you feel. And you have the choice to either, keep with this person, or just get the fuck out of it. Because honestly, you don’t deserve to be treated like a Clean/Dirty utensil for their sex games.
The reality of Black women is that they’re in many cases have a impossible time getting Mr. Right. No matter how educated, financially secure they are. As soon as men see a picture of you on Tinder, they don’t even think about reading the women’s details and swipe left or hit the X instead to see a “better” candidate no matter if their personality sucks. Reality is, Black women based on a controversial study by Satoshi Kanazawa revealed that they have the lesser standard of beauty and physical attributes. This study created a firestorm caused by Black women in many cases demanding the article and the author to be fired. But reality is as a matter of fact, Black women are less to have a date and not only that, but having healthy relationships. In their desperation they turn up to the next prospect (even if it’s a bad candidate) just because they don’t want to be ending up alone in the long run. Attractiveness is important for any race, and there’s no way a Black Woman can’t change their skin color and their features to be acceptable in men’s eyes.
What’s the Alternative:
Don’t let it discourage you! Having low self-esteem is our daily bread and if more rejections come into our way, it will draw down even more. Consider looking at the mirror everyday, consider putting positive, comforting words of affirmations in your fridge or favorite spot that would help you grow your self-esteem even further. Most importantly when there’s 10 or 20 who swipe left, there will be a few who could find you attractive. Be yourself, and don’t pretend someone you’re not.
I’m Afraid of NO Ghost
Lately there’s a fashion statement in the Dating world specially when it comes to men and some women tricking to you thinking they have a good time to then later disappear out of the spotlight. This is called “Ghosting” and it’s a such a waste of time, that I experienced first hand twice. When you have expectations that the first or second date went good, there’s always a possibility that this person will cease to exist for good. And it just make specially Black women clueless as well as angry and somewhat devastated of men treating the dating scene like another one night stand (without the sex).
Here’s the Alternative:
Read their descriptions in their profiles. Even if they want a serious relationship, be careful of their intentions. And never jump into having a sexual relationship without making sure that this person deserves your attention. As soon as this person doesn’t respond to your text or calls. Let it go and move on. The most important thing of it, never take it seriously until that person find your worth important.
Some tips to find the dating scene a little more manageable:
- Don’t Take it Seriously: First dates could be the beginning or the end of it. It’s nothing personal when a man doesn’t find you attractive physically as well as personality. If someone doesn’t find you or if you don’t feel the chemistry among you and your date, better to go to the next candidate than staying with the person you don’t feel attractive to you because of desperation.
- At the sign of Disrespect, Better Leave: If a man or a woman ask you those questions that you feel uncomfortable and offended, better to to cut to the chase and end it.
- Always Guard Your Heart: It is a sensitive organ of the body. But also emotionally we’re guided by it. Some women and men are eager to get someone with selfish intentions and we’re so quick to open our feelings and hearts because of loneliness. It’s time to not open our feelings fast and instead test them to see if they’re worth it. If it’s worth your time, go and try out but always, be careful.