Getting Out of my Chest

If you think that Mental Abuse is lower than Physical abuse, you’re in for a surprise! I never thought in my life I deserve so much control and so much restrictions, even thought, I was living freely, the reality is that when a man place their control over you, there’s nothing else you can do but to leave this relationship or stay caged. So that’s why I decided to leave.

It was such a fearful feeling, the thought of being alone and not being able to go on dating again because the dating world is so complicated. On top of that, being afraid of my appearance because before this change I was overweight and now, I’m into my ideal weight, but I’m starting on weightlifting three weeks ago. Still, I have my demons, still I have to continuing improving myself to be better, to get better. But living under the conditions of control, power and dominance (of the wrong kind) is too much I can handle.

When a person prohibits  you to use your car that you pay half every month, you’re NOT in a relationship. When a person strikes fear into you, you’re not in a healthy relationship. When a person makes lies after another just to get what he wants otherwise he will drew a temper tantrum, definitely you don’t have a man, you have a child and definitely you have to run for your life. In my case it took me 12 years and meeting someone to find out I was under a false illusion that I was content with this relationship. I tried to make it work, but the reality is if he don’t put any effort to provide for his woman, you’re basically a slave to him. And I needed something more than that.

Now, starting my life over comes with fear for the future. Fear of the unknown, bills are going to be piling up, getting a job in a unknown state might serve as a leverage between getting a place to live or going back to where I was. It seems confusing at first, but I know my family helped me when I needed it and wasn’t afraid to ask for help. They know my situation, and frankly they’re happy that I broke off with this stranger of 12 years. But they also worried if I ever pull through all this. It’s not easy, being alone after being with someone and having to do that on your own since this other person isn’t participating.

To get off my chest, means that all the pressure that I hold on for years finally came out of my system, in the terms that my freedom and who I am going to be means something than being no one, invisible and catering to everybody while losing myself in the process. But I think in the end of it all, I’m gonna pull through it.

For women facing mental and physical abuse, here’s some things. Or either you GET HELP, or either you become a slave at the mercy of your abuser’s hands and words. There’s choices, there’s priorities and also there’s also your life, your sanity. It’s your decision to make it work, or leave if it’s not healthy for you. Even if you have to leave on the streets, or shelter to shelter, getting out of your hurtful relationship is better than keep on living with the circle of abuse.