Quick Note

I’m trying to just go back to writing but still I have troubles. My problems are everywhere, from relationship huddles to meeting new people to try and escape from it. Three weeks ago, I was unmotivated, dead, lethargic. It was like I’m dying from the inside and it was too much to bear.

One secret I want to share to everyone: I planned my own suicide on April 21.

The thing was I didn’t do it and I think it was the best thing I ever did. I will tell you why…

I met someone who told me. “You have to STOP feeling sorry for myself.”

This person is a fitness trainer and he started to take me in as sort of a test to see if I’m going to be fit, it was like kind of a helping than a challenge. Honestly, I endured a lot in my life and this is one of those things that didn’t expect it to happen but it did. Meanwhile, my boyfriend is dealing with his illness plus lately he was in the hospital for a ruptured vein for the fourth time. At the moment in the hospital, I didn’t panicked or have a crying bouts. Instead, I looked at him and told him: “You have to lose weight.” He didn’t catch the memo. But It was the beginning on my semi-transformation.

I started cutting down what’s not helping me. Junk food, fast food, greasy food, breads, pasta, processed foods and sugary and soft drinks and replaced it with Salads, with Chicken or Fish and at breakfast some oatmeal with boiled eggs when I can have the time while drinking tea or water. Six days a week, I have been going to the gym for exercise routines with the help of another trainer who I named her Bionic Woman because she resembles Lindsay Wagner. And it consisted on going on Walking on the treadmill for 10 minutes then going Rowing, and doing 5 exercises for helping my stomach, back, legs and arms. I did this for three weeks and in fact I lost the amount of 10 pounds. I looked at the mirror and my stomach feels like I’m losing the swelling part… It started to get flat and my legs are starting to get firm. I got more energy to keep going at my job for the past two days. I didn’t stop streaming on Twitch completely, but sometimes when I broadcast I get sleepy so I have to stop the streaming before going on snooze. But right now, I want to see how more changes are going to be for me. In the meantime, my boyfriend is starting to control what he eats on his own terms. And now he’s cutting even more.

The thing is if I commit suicide on that date, I wouldn’t be able to meet these two people and I think it’s a signal from above to get better… I think… so If I’m not posting blogs or streaming on Twitch it’s because or I’m at work… or I’m at the gym.