I used to think that a family consisted on a mother, a father and two or three kids. Any disruption, could be disastrous for the future offspring. I was born out of wedlock, plain and simple. Never knew my real father except by rumors and lies about him. I used to have three sisters. And the secrets, rumors kept piling up as to find out the reasons why my father left. The only thing that I know is that he was married when he met her and I was worth 10 dollars for child support. My mother was excellent at keeping secrets, keeping with her past closed like a locked journal. It was good to pretend that marrying someone after 4 guys that she slept with and have kids product of that, means that her reputation is clean as a whistle. The issue is that 3 of my sisters were adopted, I, on the other hand, I was in my mothers care, which was the worst experience of my life. She was physically and mentally abusive towards me. She was controlling, and wants what’s best only for her  and not what’s good for me.  Every slap in the face, every hit with the belt, every hurting words and even a near murder at the hands of my own mother caused me irreparable fear and anguish ’til this day. Still, I don’t know her youth, her past, what was her job before having me, instead it’s just inconclusive. Until a year and a half ago when one of my sisters found her missing sister and it turned out she met this man, had sex, became pregnant and opted to leave the baby up to adoption, just like the three of them, leaving the father without knowing if he have a child.

Today, I finally talked to her on Facebook. She’s really a nice person and she explained in detail about her side of the story. Although she is grateful for my mother for giving her up to great parents, she just considers my mother as biological, not the other part which is raising and taking care of her needs and actually don’t want nothing else to do with her and I don’t blame her for that. Every word she said it brings another peek at her secretive life by unlocking a part that I didn’t know about my mother. In overall, it seems to me that she was as reckless and selfish as controlling and coldhearted. But a mother is a mother, right? But you can’t love a mother if she abuses you, tries to kill you, dump you to strangers if she didn’t have the means to take care of you and it wasn’t once or twice.

Women today have to learn one way or another their consequences of their actions. Hiding their consequences under the rug sooner or later it will be caught up to it. Even if they deny their consequences or mistakes, they have to either continue the circle of having a dysfunctional family by having kids without fathers or heal it’s wounds by fixing up their mistakes, eliminating their ego, their selfishness and foolishness.

Because it’s very hard to look at someone that you despise, but it’s more harder to let that person go and live your life.