But… He Started!

A few days ago on Yahoo, I found a story by a woman who wrote an article about having an affair with her long lost friend and decided it was better to leave a marriage than to stay and try to fix it titled “Why Having an Affair Made Me A Better Mother.” In this article she honestly tells how it started when she was pregnant and found out her husband was having an affair by looking in an email. She decided to stay and try to fix the marriage. But in the following years, her husband becomes distant and “focused” on his “career” than taking care of his family.

She was the desperate wife. Trying to find a sense of who she is. She was abandoned, neglected by his husband, even thought she supported him in doing his “career” in the arts. Then, she met a long lost friend on Facebook, and it all started with a friendship, just to reminisce their past, but  in less than two years a serious friendship crossed the line into a physical, sexual one. But I won’t tell you more details about it since you have to read the rest of the story.

The issue is below the article the comments section is plagued with insults against this woman by calling her from selfish to whore. But rarely there’s nothing about insulting the man who started this whole marriage fall apart.

Why the guy didn’t get blamed in the comments? For starters, he didn’t took care of his own family properly. He was just for the sake of appearance and didn’t do nothing to protect, respect and honor his wife even if she was pregnant twice. He was focused on his career and also having diversions and indiscretions from time to time, often without his wife knowing in some of the cases. How can you live with a man that doesn’t care about his loved one, take care of her, motivate her, romance her, make her feel like she’s part of his life? This man didn’t do anything to fix his relationship and continues to live his life like nothing happened.

Her self-esteem was on the floor as many married women faced between taking care of her kids, making food for her spouse taking care of the house ignoring her dreams, her priorities, her worth, her goals. In the end, she was “blackmailed” by her sister and decided to tell the truth to her husband after she tells to fix their marriage for one more try, but he continues to not give a shit and prioritize on his work instead.

After her confession to her husband about the affair, they decided to make their marriage work. But it was too little, too late. The damage is done and after her thoughts were set in motion about her worth, her confidence, her value, she decided to call her relationship quits by filing for divorce.

She wasn’t selfish for the most part, the husband was selfish for the entire relationship and didn’t do anything to put the pieces together. Why bashing this woman? Oh, because society suppose that she did it out of revenge? When it rains it pours, right? It started with reconnecting with a friend that grew into a more intimate affair. It happened! She could stop the relationship the moment she read a reply from this person and rejected it because she have someone who respects her for who she is, but it didn’t happen. So who’s the blame? Who is really the blame?

When a man doesn’t honor, respect the woman that he chose to live for perhaps the rest of their lives and treat her like a doormat, there’s some problems going to happen like in this story. But it was her choice to end the affair and end her marriage. Honesty is the key to a marriage. If people were understanding the situation instead of judging it, would you rather have an unhappy relationship with two kids that are noticing what their parents are doing or end it? I guess, for the sake of the kids, and herself not dealing with negligent husband, she left.