Cruising Along

I’m afraid.

Very afraid.

Last week after three years in the same ol’ job doing the same duties over and over, sacrificing my spirit and my years working on my days off, covering other people’s shift when they’re ill or resign, dealing with plenty of customers. I heard these words coming from my dept. manager. “I’m not going to give you a recommendation, because you came 7 minutes late.” I along with my husband were planning on moving to the West and since there’s a store there I was thinking of transferring there instead of looking for a new job. But by hearing these words, everything went crumbling down. Seriously, I’m not a bad worker that has a lot of “pink slips”, I’m a very hard worker that do my job and duties for three years. I got depressed, sad and hurt over that. But yesterday, on Halloween that was the last straw when she told me “Do you wanna go home?” after I told my co-worker who was complaining that I didn’t cleaned the front area, “I know, I know”, because I didn’t have time to do so. One minute I was at the front, then I was in the back and there you have it, conflict. It actually ruined my Halloween. I went home, cried, sobbed, have a panic attack, couldn’t eat even thought I bought pizza. Physically I was forced to eat but I left the second small piece of pizza on the plate. My husband was trying to make me feel a little better, and after talking about what to do if I quit with options like getting a roommate to pay for the rest, to put more pressure on his fixed income or sacrifice everything including selling my DSLR, we came to the conclusion that since we don’t have kids, no mortgage, no serious responsibilities, we should buy an RV, get rid of the stuff we don’t need, and get the fuck out of this town.

At first, my hopes were up after ten years of living in this town, making me feel uncomfortable, discriminated, set aside, not even a chance for a better high paid job. I battled a lot to get where I am and still there’s people not giving me a chance to shine. I’m talented, I had dreams and hopes and thanx to these people, I have to “survive” to have a roof over my head and be “grateful” for the scraps that they’re given me. There’s this sense of adventure, new places, new people that I want to experience instead of being behind the counter and be polite all the time, even if I don’t want to to strangers while my spirit, hope and dreams slowly dies. It is classic, it is awesome and fascinating leaving what society dictate us to be and go to what we want to be in the long run.

But still, I’m worried. If I quit for good to go on this venture, after working for more than 14 years on different types of jobs, paycheck after paycheck might seem a lot to swallow. The positive about the whole thing is that we don’t have to pay rent, electricity, water and garbage. But we have to deal with car insurance, and RV payments, gas and food. I could step in getting a part time job, but that would be staying for a good amount of months and save up. But right now, we have to save up a lot for now, to avoid the pitfalls of getting at least a job, at least for a year. It’s about decisions and planning to not being trapped in limbo.  We also have to be very informed about what type of Rv we’re going to get based on our needs and commodity and yes, planning how we’re going to do it. There’s a lot to be at stake here, but I think, since society forced me to be unhappy, I think it’s time for me to find happiness even if society including my family don’t agree.

Another thing will be setting up a donation page “if you want to put a little bit of sand” to help us on the road ahead. If you can, that would be great! In the meantime I still have my Imagekind page up for art photos if you’re interested.

So, it’s settled. I think this is one bumpy positive road, we would be doing next year!