First Steps

It had been hell for the last 5 days and if it wasn’t for my doctor who helped me and my husband on prescribing us some medication for our constant panic attacks, crying outbursts and depression, I would be worst. It is time to pick up the pieces and keep walking no matter how painful it may seem. For me every day when I wake up, I cried because I miss my beloved dog on the side of the bed, sometimes sleeping sometimes looking at me wanting me to take him or my husband to pee outside. I have to go back to work on Sunday and I promised my husband I will call him to check on him. He’s more affected than me because he saw first hand how my dog went from healthy to stop breathing in the course of less than 24 hours. He was his second dog while he was my first.

For now, we took our first steps in fixing this issue of what happened at the vet’s office. I won’t give you the details but I will give you the info in the coming weeks.

Some of my co-workers were asking if I should get another dog. For me it’s too soon, to get another one, since it was very difficult to get ours, practically a few months before I found out by a co-worker of mine her cousin was selling a litter of puppies and didn’t know it was Yellow Labs. I loved some parts of it raising a puppy, training him to poop or pee, doing tricks, cleaning up after him, trying to walk him even though it was him making me run, playing tug of war with him even though my left wrist hurts because of my arthritis, cuddling, watching movies or playing video games with him, giving him treats and spoil him rotten. He made me happy for the year and a half of his life. To get another dog it is like I’m afraid that the next dog will be the same aftermath as my first. It’s too quick, but this apartment is so silent, that the only noise that we have is the sounds from the videogame, Alex Jones radio show and the noise from the heater.

Another issue that I have to come out, many ads in TV, radio and Press shows about if you’re depressed or thinking about suicidal thoughts, call this or that number or consult your psychologist or go to counseling services. But the truth is, like in my case, I called counseling services (I won’t name any) and as soon as I tell them, I don’t have health insurance until January (thanx negatively to Obamacare), how does it cost for the services or something like that. The person on the line was very professional, but sadly the prices were out of reach to me. $100.00 for the initial consultation and $60.00 for treatment or counseling sessions. It’s less than a month and a half for my cheap insurance to kick in. So in the meantime, I have to deal with it. And I’m not the only person who really need some kind of help with dignity and respect, there’s a lot of people battling serious mental illness and then you find them on the first page or headline news killing people. To be honest, I battled so long that this event was my last straw. Mental Health still is disorganized and bad funded and it have to be back in the spotlight because how can a human being works with so many problems and illness affecting on their minds by themselves? How can they expect them to be helped if there’s no resources available if they don’t have any cash in hand or insurance for that matter?

Losing a pet is a long and tedious process of recuperation, anxiety and acceptance. It is impossible to believe how short it has become and how long and annoying it is in the following days after his passing. Right now picking all the pieces is what we’re doing right now. Moving forward however is hard. pillsbury obituary


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