I used to be a notorious poet in Grand Rapids, MI going to coffeehouses and open mics at Billy’s Lounge on open mics. It was quite interesting. While there were musicians, I was the only one that do poetry, and the people like it. I was quite a notorious celebrity in a small sense of the word.
As years passed by, moving from an artist infused life in the city to a grow up or else redneck state as Idaho, had to change a lot, from my clothing, to my attitude. It was like I was getting an assimilation program in order to survive. No one wants to see shocking, or controversial poetry or be myself for what it is. But I stop doing what I enjoyed the most which was writing and concentrating more on putting the food on the table.
In the coming years I was feeling more miserable than I ever had. My depression went from bad to worse and not only that, I was addicted to World of Warcraft for years because I didn’t have real friends. It was just waking up, go to work, come back home, play WOW or any other videogame on PS3 I could get my hands on. My creativity went zero on my part.
To make this story short, last two years ago I started on writing a novel from an idea I had in 2002, and slowly start a process of making it. Then my photography didn’t work so I stopped. I used to have a best friend, but she just dumped me while stealing me money behind my back. Then, after a lot of headaches, my dog Pillsbury came into my life. And my husband/boyfriend got sick again and again. It was a constant struggle. But then in the middle of playing GTA V I found a song that identifies my novel. Toro y Moi “Harm in Change” was in and I was visualizing a scene that I wrote in that novel. It hit perfectly that I decided to continue on my story. Telling some of my co-workers my ideas and it was great. My confidence was up and running for the first time in years. And I’m doing it ever since. Another song got my attention, this time from a guy named Dave Brown and his site “boyinaband” on YouTube. He is a member of the band “You and What Army” the song “Skyline“. It could be the damn theme song for all I know! Until now, I’m on Chapter 6 of the novel. It’s a slow process but at least I’m having fun and enjoying on what ideas I should implement to make it interesting.
Not only that, my poetry came back after years of pretending something that I’m not. And I’m learning Haiku. It’s amazing! Short words with lots of meaning, it’s a new found game to me. And found some old poetry that I performed. At least, I found something that I could be myself in the process and still multiply my knowledge in it without judgements.
Idahoans can’t make me a redneck hunting dear and elk. I could try make them like my talent or shove it down their asses. I’m happy for what I’m doing. And yes, I’m back into Photography again… it takes time to relearn everything again…